A True Story from Shawn

I’ve never believed in mythical creatures like the Loch Ness Monster, Leprechauns, or the Yeti, but a personal experience in July of 2015 changed that forever.

The Drive

I was in the high desert of Nevada with Ronnie B and was returning from a full day of Memosens pH pitches in the copper mines. We drove all week and had gotten used to the lack of sleep, convenience store lunches, and endless, unbending roads. This trip was different because the bulk of the drive would be done in complete darkness. For those of you that have driven through the desert after the sun sets, you know that the darkness is so thick that it absorbs the light from your headlights. As a result, your visibility must be 30 feet at best.

So, Ronnie B and I were speeding down the desert highway, trying to tear through the jet black to get back to any form of civilization. The lack of light and the speed turned our windshield into an old-time movie theater screen. It was like we were watching a Buster Keaton film. Things seemed to be moving so fast without rhyme or reason that there was no time to identify the objects crossing the road right in front of us. It was a chaotic kind of scary!

We would try our best to guess what wildlife our headlights shocked into flight along the way. Jackrabbit? Roadrunner? Gila? They all darted across the road, desperate to get to the other side. I remember that there were flying insects reflecting a dull white light that appeared like thousands of distant stars.

The Sighting

We will never forget what happened next. A giant beast burst into the view of our headlights. We only had a fraction of a second to record the image in our brains. It moved like an alligator. Short arms and legs raised its belly inches from the ground. It had to be at least 10 feet long! The thing’s huge toothy snout was across the center line while its tail was still on the highway shoulder. It appeared to be covered in long, dingy white and brown fur, and it had the bare tail of a massive opossum. Its bone-white teeth and savagely long claws shone brightly against the inky backdrop. Time stood still as I locked eyes with the beast.

And then it happened. We collided with the beast at full speed. For a brief second, all we saw were the stars as we ramped over the thing and the rental car leaped up into the sky. When the rubber met pavement again, and the car skidded to a stop, Ronnie B and I looked at one another with shock and horror. There was no looking back. We gunned it and sped away as fast as we could, not taking any chances in case that monster came after us. I turned to Ronnie B and asked him, “What was that thing?”. He turned to me, white as a ghost, and replied with one word. “Flatsquatch.”  As we sped away, I looked in the review mirror. For a split second, I saw a hairless tail slither out of the light from our taillights. It was gone.

Flatsquatch Lives On

Ronnie B and I have recounted this legendary desert encounter at M4 Knick‘s office countless times. It seems too wild to be true. The Flatsquatch has even become our official mascot with merchandise of its own. Everyone has their own theories of what we must have seen, but we know. This enormous, grotesque, and resilient desert creature was not a result of exhaustion from a week packed with sales calls. I was there, and I know it’s still out there.

Flatsquatch is real!